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Joy Olu-Ajayi

E get some kain things wey una people dey do for this our side wey person go just dey look dem like, “Ah-ah, you no get small shame?” One of those things and make I talk am straight na this una public corn-chopping ministry. Na so person go just waka for road, enter keke, okada or even bus, begin dey chop corn as if dem do corn fasting before. No manners, no shame, no wipes, just raw mouth and strong teeth action.

Sometimes, you go dey your own dey look one fine babe, she go buy hot corn from roadside, you go dey thank God say beauty still dey this world, buh na lie! Before you say “popcorn,” she don hold the corn like microphone, na so she start to dey scatter am with her front teeth. Even the driver wey dey drive you dey do the same thing, chewing with full commitment. Bros no even fit match brake well because corn juice don blind him eyes.

First of all, make we address the matter of public decency. Who tell you say corn na emergency? E get any law wey talk say if you no chop corn for junction, your head go burst? E get anything wey dey inside the corn wey no go gree reach house? Abi the corn dey expire once breeze blow am pass the next street? People go dey inside public transport dey break corn like say na secret to long life. The noise alone na wahala. “Krokrokrokro.” I dey ask, una dey chop food or una dey fight war?

No be everybody wey sit near you for bus wan know say your teeth dey sharp. Some of us just wan reach our destination in peace, but una no go gree. From mouth movement, to turning the cob like steering, to the pieces of corn wey dey fly land for your neighbour body. Bros, this thing don pass corn, na national embarrassment.

Now make we talk true who wash the corn before e enter your mouth? You dey sure say the mama wey roast the corn no scratch body, count change, collect money, hold dirty nylon, clean sweat and then use that same hand turn your corn inside fire? You sef, you don hold twenty naira wey pass through fifty different people. You don climb keke wey dirty like say dem dey carry goat inside. Your hands dey oily, dusty and full of sweat, but because corn smell nice, your brain cancel all hygiene logic.

You pick the corn, balance for bike, start to dey chew. As corn juice dey flow, you use finger dey guide am back into mouth. When the juice sweet well-well, you begin lick hand join. Some go even use the same hand rub face because sun dey hot. Before you know, dem don chop dirt, grease, saliva, maybe even one or two virus join. And to crown everything, when una don finish, na that same dirty hand una go use carry phone reply chat or adjust wig.

We understand say corn sweet. Even me, wey dey yarn this talk, dey enjoy roasted corn well-well. E dey give joy, especially when e hot wella. But abeg, make we get sense. Must you chop am for bus wey no get window? Must you start to dey chew like you dey inside kitchen wey nobody dey see you? Must you dey use hand wey don touch twenty different surfaces chop something wey go enter your belle?

Cleanliness no be for big man alone. Hygiene no dey know say you be student or you dey hustle. If you chop dirty thing, your belle no go give you award, e go disgrace you for night even when you dey write exam. You fit begin dey run stomach like say na race you register for.

Imagine say you dey inside air-conditioned bus, your neighbour just balance corn begin chook with confidence. She no send you. She no send the fact say corn dey fly your direction. You go dey wonder whether this na private kitchen or public motor. Indecency no be only about dressing, how you dey behave in public places dey part too.

Make We Wrap Am Up Like Corn Husk:

If you no sabi anything wey I talk today, at least sabi say:

1. Corn no dey run, if e sweet, e go still sweet when you reach house.

2. Your hand no dey neat, no dey lie give una self.

3. Nobody wan see you dey chew anyhow. Abeg, save us from trauma.

If your stomach wan do protest tomorrow, make sure say na better food cause am, no be roasted roadside maize wey you chop with pride for bus. Let us eat with sense. Let us eat with class and decency. And most importantly, let us respect corn and the people around us.